Keepin Busy

I swear I have no free time to do ANYTHING! When I wake up it's always get ready for school, go to school, come home, shower, eat dinner, talk to Ryan on the phone, then for the rest of the night it's "HOMEWORK TIME", then it is off to bed with me. God, I am soooo happy that I am gradding early but man, I didn't expect to be sooo darn busy. The only time I get to do whatever I want to do is on the weekend when I getta see Ryan. Not only is it homework keepin me busy, but I am also getting a head start on packing up my room and gettin rid of the things I don't need or don't want. Some of the clothes I dont wear anymore I am trying to sell to some of my friends and earn some extra money cuz boy! Do I need it!!!! So there is my life. BUSY BUSY BUSY! and nothing but busy. All well I always look on the bright side, this will all pay off and in 2 months I will be living with Ryan in Kamloops!! YAY!!

Reminds me of how much I love someone special

Here is the ultimate cutest song ever written. It is one of my personal favorites becuase it reminds me of how I feel about Ryan and how much I love him.
It's called : If You're Not The One by Daniel Beddingfeild

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know whatthe future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

Gettin Started On Christmas Shopping

Ryan and I went walking around the mall today and in wal-mart to get some christmas shooping started. I have hardly any money I can spend this year but I still didn't stay cheep. So far I bought my sister a shirt from Garage and a pair of pink fuzzy comfy pj's and also some headbands. I bought my brother a FOX shirt, I bought my grandma I wolf snow glob that lights up, and I bought my mom pink care-bear PJ's and some chocolate and a State Of Shock cd, and I am still looking for something for my dad. Which I am going to go look for tomorrorw. Ryan and I promised eachother the only gift that we were gonna get eachother this year was to see eachother on Christmas. We get eachother gifts all the time so we thought the most romantic thing to get was to just be able to see one another. I LOVE CHRISTMAS and I soooo can't wait for all the decorations and the lights and the songs and movies and everything!
That's all for now .... Toodlez!

Growing Up Means Handling Things The Right Way

It all happend on Tuesday around 2:30. Kaylana followed me down to the bus stop with amanda driving her and guitanna in the truck also. Kaylana got out and started cutting me down calling me a slut and a b"tch and what not. This is the reason why I wanted to leave clinton is because I am TIRED of her shit. SICK AND TIRED. She kept looking me up and down just callin me a slut and what not. Then she stated pushing me around ... and then this is where the title of this blog comes in I done the right thing and never pushed her back or punched her or nothin like that. So I finally just told her off and to stop feeding off my life if she actually had one of her own then she just got into the truck and left. So when I got to the bus stop, I called my dad who called the school and now I (well my dad) is gonna charge all 3 of those girls for touching me. I hope they have all learnt their lesson, if not theres nothing I can do cuz atleast I am the more mature one who knows that fighting doesn't solve anything. It makes you feel good, but it just causes more problems. And another reason why I wont fight her is because I promised Ryan I wouldnt and not only that, but I dont wanna screw up my grade 12 year!

The Games Of War

So it all begins again. I hate this school with a passion, not because of the teachers, not because of my friends, but becuase of the stupid stuck up kids in the school who like to talk behind everyone's backs. I am sooo tempted to drop high school or just go somewhere else. I am tired of walking down the hallway and hearing nothing but "ohhh ew she's such a slut" ... like what is that? JEALOUSY!!!????? I think so. Because if it wasn't then why would they bother with my own life instead of theirs? Normally people talk about others only because they have no life of their own. It's funny, I'm not famous, but B*tchs talk about me like I am!
All I have left to say is that I only got 2 more months left of highschool then I don't have to put up with any of this BS!
Peace Out!

One Amazing Year

Dispite the rough patch we are now crossing and going back to what we were, Ryan and I will have been together for ONE YEAR tomorrow! Oooh Yaaa baby, one whole year. That is awesome and it has got be the best one year of my life. Ryan is coming to see me tomorrow after I am done school and we are gonna go out for dinner and watch a movie just the 2 of us. I actually kept doubting myself and our relationship when we had the "big fight" going on, but it is now passing by. I guess it's true what they say "LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS, IT'S ABOUT LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN!" All I can say is, I am glad we worked things out, I would hate to see my life without him in it. It would be a disaster, he is the one thing that meant, well MEANS, EVERYTHING to me. I LOVE YOU RYAN! I loved you yesturday, I love you today, I love you tomorrow, I love you forever and always.

~ Relates To Previous Blog ~

Here are some pics that do relate to the last blog I wrote. These all relate to my feelings and how I think me and Ryan can pull things back together. ( I am hoping so anyway.) God, I love Ryan so much. It is unbelieveable.

Confusion Can Be A Heartbreaker - But I Have Faith!

Love is tough, like really tough, it can be heartbreaking, but that still doesn't change the way you feel about someone. Love can be the best thing ever, but when things get hard you get confused. And confusion can be heartbreaking cuz you don't know what that person wants anymore, or what is even going on. When you love someone, things change. And no I am not talking about the feelings people have for one another, but I am talking about people changing in general. People will do crazy things when they are in love or even in a relationship, sometimes they will change the way the talk to you, the way they look at you, or even the way they act around you.
Sometimes they do it when they don't notice it, then they beat themselves up for it when they finally do realize how they have been treating you. Yes me and Ryan have ran into a bit of a problem. For the past little while I have realized that he has changed and it has been breaking my heart because to tell you the truth, he has been acting like a total complete ASSHOLE and making me cry. But the thing is, he had no idea he was doing it. Now that he knows, he has been beating himself up for the past week about it. It has even got sooooooooo bad to the point where he has told me just to dump him cuz he didn't want to hurt me anymore. He said he still loves me, and loves me more than anything in the world, but he didn't want to hurt me anymore so he said I should just end it. But I said NO. I love him too much and I know I can help him through all this. I am will always be, AND I AM, always by his side. I will not leave him like this. Things have gotten so outta hand, he has been crying, I have been crying, we just don't know what has gotten into him. But he said he loves me too much to let a year crash and burn, so he said he will do whatever it takes to make this work. And I am putting all my trust and faith in him, so I hope we work out the way we both want it to. It sucks what love can do to a person, but like I have said, it doesn't change the feelings we have for eachother. This just goes to prove how much love we actually do have for one another, we are gonna work everything out, look past this and move on. We are gonna have a good future together, and eventually get married!! We are each others first actual love and it feels great. Couples do go through rough patches but it only goes back to what it used to be if you both have faith in the realationship. And Ryan and I do!! We WILL make it. We will see a brighter future, we WILL be toether forever and I just know we will.
How do I know??? Well I know because I love him more than anything in this world and I know he feels the same way about me. We will both do everything we can for one another, and when we make mistakes, we try sooo hard to fix them. Then later on, we laugh about them. Today on the phone, he told me I was the most amazing girl he has in his life and he never wants to lose me, he wants to have a future with me, and he wants to see my face when he wakes up from sleeping. I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE CUTEST THING HE HAS EVER SAID TO ME! I started to cry. So I told him we can do this together. I do hate who he has become but I can see he is changing already back to he actually is. Even though I have just told him on monday, but I can already see an improvement. I guess he really does love me as much as he says he does, right? I hate the things he has done to me in the past while... but couples do make mistakes just like every other human been.
To end this, ryan is my life, and from what I know, I am his too. We love eachother so much we just hit a rough patch right now, but we are on the verge of fixing it. Nothing can stop us. Some say we are meant to be, we ARE indeed ... true love!